1 00:00:03,221 --> 00:00:06,952 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 2 00:00:07,025 --> 00:00:09,960 ♪ In living color♪ 3 00:00:10,028 --> 00:00:11,791 - ♪ In living color♪ - ♪ You know what I'm sayin'♪ 4 00:00:11,863 --> 00:00:14,957 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 5 00:00:15,033 --> 00:00:16,591 ♪ In living color♪ 6 00:00:19,237 --> 00:00:21,296 ♪ In living color♪ 7 00:00:21,372 --> 00:00:23,602 ♪ You can walk on the moon Float like a balloon ♪ 8 00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:26,075 ♪ It's never too late and it's never too soon ♪ 9 00:00:26,144 --> 00:00:27,907 ♪ Take it from me It's a'ight to be ♪ 10 00:00:27,979 --> 00:00:30,174 ♪ In living color♪ 11 00:00:30,248 --> 00:00:31,806 ♪ How would you feel knowing prejudice was obsolete ♪ 12 00:00:31,883 --> 00:00:34,181 ♪ And all mankind danced to the exact beat ♪ 13 00:00:34,252 --> 00:00:37,346 ♪ And at night it was safe to walk down the street ♪ 14 00:00:37,422 --> 00:00:41,415 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 15 00:00:41,492 --> 00:00:44,120 ♪ In living color♪ 16 00:00:44,195 --> 00:00:45,628 ♪ In living color♪ 17 00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:49,189 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 18 00:00:49,267 --> 00:00:51,462 ♪ In living color♪ 19 00:00:51,536 --> 00:00:54,004 ♪ In living color♪ 20 00:00:54,072 --> 00:00:56,472 ♪ Everybody here is equally kind ♪ 21 00:00:56,541 --> 00:00:58,771 ♪ In living color♪ 22 00:00:58,843 --> 00:01:01,471 ♪ What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine ♪ 23 00:01:01,546 --> 00:01:02,979 ♪ In living color♪ 24 00:01:03,047 --> 00:01:05,015 ♪ How would you feel knowing everybody was your friend ♪ 25 00:01:05,083 --> 00:01:07,643 ♪ From thin to thick and through thick and thin ♪ 26 00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:10,347 ♪ And egotistical trips was put to an end ♪ 27 00:01:10,421 --> 00:01:12,685 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 28 00:01:12,757 --> 00:01:16,249 ♪ In living color♪ 29 00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:18,295 ♪ In living color♪ 30 00:01:18,363 --> 00:01:20,388 ♪ You can walk on the moon Float like a balloon ♪ 31 00:01:20,465 --> 00:01:22,729 ♪ It's never too late and it's never too soon ♪ 32 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,734 ♪ Take it from me It's a'ight to be ♪ 33 00:01:24,802 --> 00:01:26,463 ♪ In living color♪ 34 00:01:26,537 --> 00:01:29,131 ♪ How would you feel knowing prejudice was obsolete ♪ 35 00:01:29,207 --> 00:01:31,232 ♪ And all mankind danced to the exact beat ♪ 36 00:01:31,309 --> 00:01:34,642 ♪ And at night it was safe to walk down the street ♪ 37 00:01:34,712 --> 00:01:38,546 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 38 00:01:38,616 --> 00:01:40,584 ♪ In living color♪♪ 39 00:01:41,652 --> 00:01:45,019 Ladies and gentlemen, Keenen Ivory Wayans. 40 00:01:51,129 --> 00:01:53,120 Thank you. 41 00:01:55,967 --> 00:01:57,992 All right. 42 00:01:58,069 --> 00:02:02,233 - Thank you. - [Cheering Continues] 43 00:02:02,306 --> 00:02:04,797 Thank you. I'm Keenen Ivory Wayans. Welcome to the show. 44 00:02:04,876 --> 00:02:07,242 Like I said, I always like to keep this short and sweet. 45 00:02:07,311 --> 00:02:10,940 So we start by saying hello to my crew, my D.J. S.W. One. 46 00:02:11,015 --> 00:02:14,007 [Audience Cheering] 47 00:02:16,154 --> 00:02:19,180 And before we get to the laughs, we gotta get to the ladies. 48 00:02:19,257 --> 00:02:23,489 Starting over here with Cari, Carrie Ann, Lisa... 49 00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:25,495 Michelle and Deidre. 50 00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:29,659 - My Fly Girls. Give it up. - [Audience Cheering] 51 00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:32,862 All right. Sit back, relax. We'll be there in a minute. 52 00:02:32,937 --> 00:02:34,871 See ya. 53 00:02:34,939 --> 00:02:38,272 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 54 00:02:38,342 --> 00:02:40,276 ♪ In living color♪ 55 00:02:41,846 --> 00:02:45,077 - ♪ In living color♪ - ♪ You can walk on the moon ♪♪ 56 00:02:46,484 --> 00:02:49,476 [Karate Yells] 57 00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:57,794 [Forcibly Exhales] 58 00:02:57,862 --> 00:02:59,853 Line up! 59 00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:07,165 Welcome to the first meeting... 60 00:03:07,238 --> 00:03:09,934 of complete self-defense for women. 61 00:03:10,007 --> 00:03:11,998 I'm BobJackson. 62 00:03:14,212 --> 00:03:16,544 I have a black belt in karate... 63 00:03:16,614 --> 00:03:19,378 and I've studied martial arts for over 20 years. 64 00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:24,614 I'm also... 65 00:03:24,689 --> 00:03:27,852 a former world champion. 66 00:03:29,427 --> 00:03:31,418 Now... 67 00:03:32,497 --> 00:03:35,728 this course may cost more than others... 68 00:03:36,734 --> 00:03:38,861 but I guarantee... 69 00:03:38,936 --> 00:03:42,633 you'll never be afraid of violence again. 70 00:03:46,677 --> 00:03:49,043 Now, let me ask. 71 00:03:49,113 --> 00:03:52,571 What are you ladies most concerned about? 72 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:57,053 - Yes, you.! - Okay. Say you find out something about your husband... 73 00:03:57,121 --> 00:04:00,181 like he got another wife and some kids. 74 00:04:00,258 --> 00:04:04,558 Well, what I wanna know is, how do you kill a man in his sleep? 75 00:04:06,764 --> 00:04:08,288 What? 76 00:04:08,366 --> 00:04:11,824 Let me think about that one. 77 00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:14,098 Why don't we start, though... 78 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:18,198 with defense against a knife attack. 79 00:04:20,378 --> 00:04:22,312 - Who would like to attack me? - Ooh, me! 80 00:04:22,380 --> 00:04:25,679 - I got one in my purse. - Why don't you try? 81 00:04:25,750 --> 00:04:28,480 - This is a real knife. - Don't worry about it, grasshopper. 82 00:04:29,954 --> 00:04:32,286 - I don't know. I really... - [Exhaling Forcibly] 83 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:36,258 - I don't think I should. - It's okay. Come on! 84 00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:42,422 - [Screams] - Oh, my God! I'm really sorry! 85 00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,832 - L-l-l-l... - [Girls Exclaiming] 86 00:04:44,902 --> 00:04:48,360 I didn't mean it. Are you all right? 87 00:04:48,439 --> 00:04:50,964 I'm fine. 88 00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:53,977 I shifted my internal organs... 89 00:04:54,045 --> 00:04:56,775 to avoid the knife. 90 00:04:56,847 --> 00:04:58,838 However... 91 00:05:00,418 --> 00:05:03,114 like a lot of beginning students... 92 00:05:03,187 --> 00:05:06,816 - you attacked me wrong. - Oh! 93 00:05:06,891 --> 00:05:09,792 You're supposed to come at me like this. 94 00:05:11,596 --> 00:05:13,530 All right. 95 00:05:13,598 --> 00:05:16,567 - Now, remember that and try it again. - Okay. 96 00:05:16,634 --> 00:05:19,762 - Sort of a downward thing. - [Exhaling Forcibly] 97 00:05:19,837 --> 00:05:21,828 All right-y. 98 00:05:22,907 --> 00:05:24,841 - [Screams] - [Women Screaming] 99 00:05:24,909 --> 00:05:27,878 I'm really sorry! Uh... 100 00:05:27,945 --> 00:05:31,642 You seem to be losing a lot of blood. Can I get you anything? 101 00:05:31,716 --> 00:05:33,775 Oh, man! 102 00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:37,250 [Gasps] Oh! 103 00:05:40,925 --> 00:05:45,885 You see, you're still bending your elbows. 104 00:05:46,897 --> 00:05:51,300 You've got to keep... your arm... completely straight. 105 00:05:51,369 --> 00:05:54,202 - Oh. All right. - That's the whole key. 106 00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,364 Oh, God. All right. 107 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,772 - Try it one more time. - Straight. 108 00:06:00,745 --> 00:06:03,179 Okay. 109 00:06:03,247 --> 00:06:06,614 - Okay, I got it. All right. - That's it. 110 00:06:06,684 --> 00:06:08,549 - Yeah. Yeah. - Just like that. Yeah. 111 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:11,611 [Karate Yells] 112 00:06:13,557 --> 00:06:15,889 - What, are you crazy? - It's our first day! 113 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:20,693 - I just wanted to show her how easy it can be... - Are you all right? 114 00:06:20,765 --> 00:06:24,201 - After 20 years. - This class is a rip-off. I want my money back. 115 00:06:24,268 --> 00:06:26,395 - Right. Me too. And I looked it up. - Pardon me. 116 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:30,804 - In 1976, Chuck Norris was the world champion. - What? 117 00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:34,333 I never said I was the only world champion. 118 00:06:34,412 --> 00:06:36,346 There were lots of them. 119 00:06:36,414 --> 00:06:39,281 - I sparred with Elvis! - Wow! 120 00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:43,377 Okay. Say you wake up from a deep sleep... 121 00:06:43,454 --> 00:06:45,479 - and your wife is doing this. - Ow! 122 00:06:45,556 --> 00:06:48,184 - What would you do then? - And Ike Turner does this. 123 00:06:48,259 --> 00:06:51,922 - And Elvis does this. - [Groaning] 124 00:06:51,996 --> 00:06:56,660 - Hmm? - That might've hurt if I hadn't shifted Mr. Happy. 125 00:07:09,113 --> 00:07:11,308 - [Phone Ringing] - [Whispers] Oh, God. 126 00:07:12,783 --> 00:07:15,149 Well, congratulations, Tom, on your new promotion. 127 00:07:15,219 --> 00:07:18,052 You represent our commitment to youth. 128 00:07:18,122 --> 00:07:21,580 - Thank you, boss. Later, babe. - Bye-bye. 129 00:07:21,659 --> 00:07:24,059 [Thinking] Gee, another promotion for Tom. 130 00:07:24,128 --> 00:07:26,323 What is it? Youth? 131 00:07:26,397 --> 00:07:28,490 Hey, he's two years older than I am. 132 00:07:28,566 --> 00:07:30,500 Maybe it's this grey that's holding me back. 133 00:07:31,569 --> 00:07:33,503 [Announcer] Get rid of that grey... 134 00:07:33,571 --> 00:07:36,335 add some zest, some color to your life... 135 00:07:36,407 --> 00:07:40,639 with new and improved Greshan Formula. 136 00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:45,580 Greshan Formula makes the change so gradual that no one will notice. 137 00:07:45,649 --> 00:07:48,675 I'll call you back. Jim, there's something different about you. 138 00:07:48,753 --> 00:07:50,687 Are you wearing a new suit? 139 00:07:50,755 --> 00:07:53,019 You look a little, uh... 140 00:07:53,090 --> 00:07:55,149 more manly. 141 00:07:55,226 --> 00:07:57,160 You know, Jim... 142 00:07:57,228 --> 00:07:59,890 in the last few weeks, something seems, um... 143 00:07:59,964 --> 00:08:01,864 different about you. 144 00:08:01,932 --> 00:08:05,390 You been working out? I know. You lost some weight. 145 00:08:05,469 --> 00:08:08,768 Well, whatever it is, keep it up. 146 00:08:08,839 --> 00:08:11,535 [Announcer] New and improved Greshan Formula... 147 00:08:11,609 --> 00:08:14,737 adds zest and color. 148 00:08:19,784 --> 00:08:21,979 [Man] Live from Las Vegas, it's 21 hours and counting... 149 00:08:22,052 --> 00:08:23,986 here at the Jheri's Kids Telethon. 150 00:08:24,054 --> 00:08:27,490 Here's your host, Jheri Lewis.! 151 00:08:34,965 --> 00:08:40,403 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 152 00:08:40,471 --> 00:08:45,067 This is love, and love is this. 153 00:08:45,142 --> 00:08:47,940 If you're just joining us... 154 00:08:48,012 --> 00:08:49,980 it's the 21 st hour... 155 00:08:50,047 --> 00:08:52,743 of theJheri Kids Telethon. 156 00:08:52,817 --> 00:08:56,583 We're here to fight a deadly affliction... 157 00:08:56,654 --> 00:08:59,248 one that is suffered by millions of inner-city youths... 158 00:08:59,323 --> 00:09:03,384 across this great nation of ours. 159 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:06,520 Also, many public figures such as... 160 00:09:06,597 --> 00:09:09,361 the entire singing group Full Force. 161 00:09:09,433 --> 00:09:11,697 Get busy. 162 00:09:15,439 --> 00:09:18,772 Say hello to one ofJheri's Kids. 163 00:09:28,619 --> 00:09:32,749 This is Rodney Washington from Compton, California. 164 00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:35,986 And this is the dreaded activator... 165 00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:39,621 that he craves so very desperately. 166 00:09:39,697 --> 00:09:41,995 Hey! 167 00:09:42,066 --> 00:09:47,265 Rodney, tell the people out there... 168 00:09:47,338 --> 00:09:51,297 what happened to you as a result of yourJheri curl. 169 00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:55,001 Well, you know... 170 00:09:57,848 --> 00:10:00,043 You know, first it was the "in thing" to do, man. 171 00:10:00,117 --> 00:10:02,984 - Everybody had one, you know? - Mm-hmm. 172 00:10:03,053 --> 00:10:05,715 Then things started goin' bad, man. 173 00:10:06,957 --> 00:10:09,755 My woman left me, man... 174 00:10:09,827 --> 00:10:12,887 'cause she got tired of washing them pillow covers, man. 175 00:10:14,398 --> 00:10:18,129 Man, I was like a walking fire hazard. 176 00:10:18,202 --> 00:10:22,468 At my job at McDonald's, man, I couldn't even go near the heat lamps, or whoof! 177 00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:25,406 - It's okay. - It ain't okay. 178 00:10:25,476 --> 00:10:27,876 It's okay. Let it go. 179 00:10:27,945 --> 00:10:30,937 Can we make with the Kleenex here? 180 00:10:38,289 --> 00:10:41,053 Okay, Rodney, give me the good stuff. 181 00:10:41,125 --> 00:10:43,116 Well, l... 182 00:10:44,929 --> 00:10:49,332 I finally made that call to Jheri Curl Deactivation Center. 183 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:52,528 - Oh, yeah! - Yeah. 184 00:10:52,603 --> 00:10:57,233 You know, the hardest thing I ever did, man, was staying away from that activator, man. 185 00:10:57,308 --> 00:11:00,709 My hand was just... l-I just needed that activator on my head. 186 00:11:00,778 --> 00:11:03,838 - Oh, yeah! - Yes, it was terrible, man. 187 00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:05,848 - But I'm on my way back, man. - Mm-hmm. 188 00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:08,851 - Next week I'm going to get a flattop! - Oh, yeah! 189 00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:10,853 That's right! A sea has parted! 190 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:14,687 Oh, yeah! Epiphany! 191 00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:17,625 Epiphany. 192 00:11:17,695 --> 00:11:20,630 So you see, there is hope. 193 00:11:20,698 --> 00:11:24,998 Won't you please send your donations and your love? 194 00:11:25,069 --> 00:11:28,402 Help us fight this Jheri Curl syndrome. 195 00:11:28,472 --> 00:11:30,633 ♪♪ [Piano] 196 00:11:30,708 --> 00:11:32,869 Is it time... 197 00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:34,934 for me to sing? 198 00:11:37,414 --> 00:11:41,544 Unfortunately, this year we could not get clearance on "Never Walk Alone." 199 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,950 I was devastated. 200 00:11:45,556 --> 00:11:48,116 So I wrote my own song. 201 00:11:48,192 --> 00:11:50,183 I hope you like it. 202 00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:55,025 ♪ Get up and shower your head all clean ♪ 203 00:11:55,099 --> 00:11:58,591 ♪ You're not going far with that crazy gleam ♪ 204 00:11:58,669 --> 00:12:01,866 ♪ Your head just looks like crap ♪ 205 00:12:01,939 --> 00:12:06,569 ♪ Put that grease ball under a tap ♪ 206 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:09,669 ♪ Put that grease ball ♪ 207 00:12:09,747 --> 00:12:11,715 ♪ Under ♪ 208 00:12:11,782 --> 00:12:14,182 ♪ A ♪ 209 00:12:14,251 --> 00:12:16,981 ♪ Tap ♪♪ 210 00:12:18,288 --> 00:12:20,222 [No Audible Dialogue] 211 00:12:34,204 --> 00:12:36,695 ♪♪ [Dance] 212 00:12:38,575 --> 00:12:40,907 [Man Speaking] 213 00:12:46,450 --> 00:12:49,010 ♪♪ [Rapping] 214 00:12:52,356 --> 00:12:54,290 ♪♪ [Rapping] 215 00:12:57,928 --> 00:13:00,795 Marty? Marty? Listen to me, okay? 216 00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:04,493 You can't rush a Tracy Chapman song, all right? 217 00:13:04,568 --> 00:13:07,162 You know how the creative process is. 218 00:13:07,237 --> 00:13:09,171 Man, that's just the way I get inspired. 219 00:13:09,239 --> 00:13:11,207 I wait till the last minute. 220 00:13:11,275 --> 00:13:14,608 Have I ever let you down? All right. Then chill out, okay? 221 00:13:14,678 --> 00:13:16,646 I'll have the song tomorrow. 222 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:20,410 Peace. [Muttering] 223 00:13:36,033 --> 00:13:41,471 ♪♪ 224 00:13:41,538 --> 00:13:44,905 [Woman] Hey, you give me back my pocket book.! 225 00:13:44,975 --> 00:13:48,342 - Shut up, you old bag of wrinkles.! - Oh.! 226 00:13:50,681 --> 00:13:54,617 ♪ Children today ain't got no respect for adults they see ♪ 227 00:13:54,685 --> 00:13:56,619 ♪ Knock you down and take your bag ♪ 228 00:13:56,687 --> 00:13:58,746 ♪ Make you have to bandage up your knee ♪ 229 00:13:58,822 --> 00:14:00,813 ♪ Hair all knotted Snot in the nose ♪ 230 00:14:00,891 --> 00:14:04,258 ♪ Half the niggers Ain't got no clothes ♪ 231 00:14:05,496 --> 00:14:07,430 ♪ I write a fast song ♪ 232 00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,557 ♪ The way I do it I can never go wrong ♪ 233 00:14:09,633 --> 00:14:15,128 ♪ I write a fast song Just look out my window see what's going on ♪ 234 00:14:15,205 --> 00:14:18,368 [Brakes Screeching, Crash] 235 00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:21,343 [Woman] Oh, my God.! 236 00:14:21,411 --> 00:14:23,345 ♪ Old man hit by a bus ♪ 237 00:14:23,413 --> 00:14:25,347 ♪ I think he broke his neck ♪ 238 00:14:25,415 --> 00:14:27,349 ♪ Was shuffling down to the welfare line ♪ 239 00:14:27,417 --> 00:14:29,476 ♪ Had to pick up his check ♪ 240 00:14:29,553 --> 00:14:33,853 [Siren Wailing] 241 00:14:33,924 --> 00:14:35,892 ♪ Ambulance came took him away ♪ 242 00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:38,052 ♪ But he can't afford his hospital stay ♪ 243 00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:40,062 ♪ Metal twisted and turned ♪ 244 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:43,099 ♪ There's a traffic jam and the buses burn ♪ 245 00:14:43,167 --> 00:14:45,101 [Woman] I'll kill you.! I'll kill you.! 246 00:14:50,107 --> 00:14:52,041 ♪ Big bad Ben hit his wife ♪ 247 00:14:52,109 --> 00:14:54,771 ♪ Miss Walker ran and got a butcher knife ♪ 248 00:14:54,845 --> 00:14:56,779 ♪ Ben don't look so tough no more ♪ 249 00:14:56,847 --> 00:15:00,715 ♪ He's running across the town like a little coward ♪ 250 00:15:01,685 --> 00:15:03,619 ♪ Oh, no, Miss Walker tripped over the cat ♪ 251 00:15:03,687 --> 00:15:06,747 ♪ Ben ran and grabbed a baseball bat ♪ 252 00:15:07,858 --> 00:15:09,792 ♪ I always thought things would get better ♪ 253 00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:12,829 ♪ But now he's got her in a choke hold ♪ 254 00:15:13,931 --> 00:15:16,058 ♪ Miss Walker picked up a statue ♪ 255 00:15:16,133 --> 00:15:20,536 ♪ Knocked him in the head Now he's out cold ♪ 256 00:15:21,972 --> 00:15:25,066 ♪ Uh-oh, he's up again ♪ 257 00:15:25,142 --> 00:15:28,236 ♪ I thought he was gone but not yet, he's back ♪ 258 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:32,942 ♪ Miss Walker picked up a table ♪ 259 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:37,510 ♪ Knocked him in the head and he's no longer able ♪ 260 00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,217 ♪ I write a fast song ♪ 261 00:15:40,290 --> 00:15:42,520 ♪ The way I do it I can never go wrong ♪ 262 00:15:42,593 --> 00:15:44,356 ♪ I write a fast song ♪ 263 00:15:44,428 --> 00:15:48,225 ♪Just look out my window see what's goin' on ♪♪ 264 00:15:49,493 --> 00:15:52,792 The accused stands before you on trial for his sins. 265 00:15:52,863 --> 00:15:55,627 Forgive me. I loved it. Did you? 266 00:15:55,699 --> 00:15:58,224 Liar! You only love your freedom. 267 00:15:58,302 --> 00:16:00,827 Is that a sin? 268 00:16:04,575 --> 00:16:08,033 Your life will be a sad and lonely one. 269 00:16:08,112 --> 00:16:11,047 I heard that. 270 00:16:11,115 --> 00:16:13,049 You belong to no one. 271 00:16:13,117 --> 00:16:15,051 You belong to no one. 272 00:16:15,119 --> 00:16:17,053 You belong to no one. 273 00:16:17,121 --> 00:16:20,022 If living with Oppression is a sin... 274 00:16:20,090 --> 00:16:23,651 then I's be guilty! 275 00:16:23,727 --> 00:16:26,321 [Woman] Oppression for black men. 276 00:16:26,397 --> 00:16:29,423 If only he wasn't so dark. 277 00:16:31,735 --> 00:16:35,796 ♪♪ [Women Vocalizing] 278 00:16:35,873 --> 00:16:39,331 ♪♪ [Man, Women Vocalizing] 279 00:16:44,915 --> 00:16:47,281 ♪♪ [Singing] 280 00:17:00,197 --> 00:17:03,132 ♪♪ [Jukebox] 281 00:17:05,436 --> 00:17:07,370 This is gonna be great. 282 00:17:07,438 --> 00:17:09,372 I hear the food here is just super. 283 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,671 - The decor is interesting. - [Laughs] 284 00:17:14,078 --> 00:17:18,344 Good God Almighty, we got some more customers in here! 285 00:17:18,415 --> 00:17:20,940 Y'all go on and sit wherever y'all wanna sit. 286 00:17:21,018 --> 00:17:24,579 The menus is up there by the Roach Motel. 287 00:17:26,857 --> 00:17:30,520 Don't sit there. That table's reserved. 288 00:17:30,594 --> 00:17:32,528 You must not have been at Mama's place before. 289 00:17:32,596 --> 00:17:35,656 You gonna sit where she ain't goin' to. [Mumbling, Indistinct] 290 00:17:35,732 --> 00:17:38,758 Mama gonna have to spank you. Mama gonna have to spank you. 291 00:17:38,836 --> 00:17:41,805 Richard Simmons was an astronaut! 292 00:17:41,872 --> 00:17:44,238 [Phone Ringing] 293 00:17:44,308 --> 00:17:47,038 I'm the only one hear the phone ringin', huh? 294 00:17:47,111 --> 00:17:50,103 First break I get, everybody else goes deaf. 295 00:17:50,180 --> 00:17:52,876 Mm-hmm. Let me sit. 296 00:17:54,051 --> 00:17:56,713 Hello. Snack and Shack. 297 00:17:56,787 --> 00:17:58,778 There'll be a 45 minute wait. 298 00:18:00,257 --> 00:18:02,225 Prince? I don't care if you the Queen of Sheba... 299 00:18:02,292 --> 00:18:04,920 you're gonna have to wait along with everybody else. 300 00:18:04,995 --> 00:18:07,589 Think they're royalty, they get special treatment. 301 00:18:07,664 --> 00:18:09,598 - I don't care. - Pick it up! 302 00:18:09,666 --> 00:18:11,725 Fool, I said "beans," not "greens." 303 00:18:11,802 --> 00:18:14,168 - You said "greens." - I said "beans!" 304 00:18:14,238 --> 00:18:16,832 All right. There you go. Beans. 305 00:18:16,907 --> 00:18:18,841 Pick it up and weigh it. 306 00:18:18,909 --> 00:18:21,537 Don't mess with my pressure, woman. Don't get my pressure up. 307 00:18:21,612 --> 00:18:23,978 The only thing you goin' to get up anytime soon. 308 00:18:24,047 --> 00:18:27,107 You need to put some batteries in that hearing aid, that's what I know. 309 00:18:27,184 --> 00:18:29,948 - I didn't order no greens! - I know you didn't order no greens. 310 00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:32,716 You didn't order no chicken, but you gonna get that, 'cause he needs new batteries. 311 00:18:32,789 --> 00:18:34,984 Gettin' on my nerves. Can't hear nothin'. 312 00:18:35,058 --> 00:18:38,152 Why don't y'all go on and get yourself some water or somethin'? 313 00:18:38,228 --> 00:18:40,219 Actin' like you a stranger here at Mama's place. 314 00:18:40,297 --> 00:18:42,231 - Makin' me feel all bad like that. - [Chuckling] 315 00:18:42,299 --> 00:18:45,200 Mama gonna have to spank you if you keep on... 316 00:18:45,269 --> 00:18:48,966 I'll takeJoan Collins to block! 317 00:18:55,078 --> 00:18:58,070 Oh, Lord! [Grunting] 318 00:18:59,816 --> 00:19:02,216 Oh! 319 00:19:02,286 --> 00:19:05,414 [Relieved Sigh] 320 00:19:05,489 --> 00:19:08,083 Help me. I got some terrible bunions. 321 00:19:08,158 --> 00:19:09,716 Onions. Pick it up. 322 00:19:09,793 --> 00:19:11,954 Mama's gonna take care of you, baby. 323 00:19:12,029 --> 00:19:14,088 Mama gonna special treat you. 324 00:19:14,164 --> 00:19:16,496 - We're cookin' now. - Oh, look at you, baby. 325 00:19:16,567 --> 00:19:20,333 Just a little twinkle in your eye, just like my grandbaby. 326 00:19:20,404 --> 00:19:22,338 Mama gonna cook a little treat for you. 327 00:19:22,406 --> 00:19:25,273 Let me see what Mama got down here. 328 00:19:26,777 --> 00:19:29,610 Yeah. How about a piece of pecan pie for my baby? 329 00:19:33,050 --> 00:19:37,146 Uh, I'll just, uh... I'll save it for later, okay? 330 00:19:37,221 --> 00:19:39,155 You gonna hurt Mama's feelings like that? You want a piece of pie? 331 00:19:39,223 --> 00:19:42,590 No, thank you. You know what I would like? Is a new fork, if I could. 332 00:19:42,659 --> 00:19:44,593 - This one is filthy. - Say what? 333 00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:46,891 - I'd like a new fork. - Your fork is dirty? 334 00:19:46,964 --> 00:19:50,832 Oh, baby, that ain't nothin' but a little bit of dried-up cabbage. 335 00:19:53,470 --> 00:19:57,133 - Garlic make my feet stink! - Thanks. 336 00:19:58,375 --> 00:20:00,502 There you go, sweetheart. It's as good as gold. 337 00:20:00,577 --> 00:20:02,511 Baby, look at you. 338 00:20:02,579 --> 00:20:04,979 You just as skinny as you wanna be. 339 00:20:05,048 --> 00:20:07,073 Skinny as a bean pole. Ain't she skinny as a bean pole? 340 00:20:07,150 --> 00:20:10,779 - Skinny as a bean pole. - Fillet of sole! Pick it up! 341 00:20:12,389 --> 00:20:15,881 Um, I would just like the salmon croquettes, please. 342 00:20:15,959 --> 00:20:18,427 Baby, you gonna have the Salisbury steak. 343 00:20:18,495 --> 00:20:21,396 - I'm a vegetarian. - Oh, I'm a Capricorn. 344 00:20:21,465 --> 00:20:23,899 No. See... 345 00:20:23,967 --> 00:20:26,765 No, see, she doesn't eat red meat. That's what she's trying to say. 346 00:20:26,837 --> 00:20:28,964 Oh, you there, smarty-pants... 347 00:20:29,039 --> 00:20:32,873 just like my little grandson. 348 00:20:32,943 --> 00:20:36,709 Baby, Salisbury steak ain't red. It's brown. 349 00:20:36,780 --> 00:20:39,806 See, I don't eat anything that grazes. 350 00:20:39,883 --> 00:20:42,215 That's why your teeth are so yellow. 351 00:20:42,286 --> 00:20:45,119 Jell-O! Pick it up! 352 00:20:45,188 --> 00:20:47,213 Luther! Luther! 353 00:20:47,291 --> 00:20:49,259 I need a Salisbury steak... 354 00:20:49,326 --> 00:20:51,385 and a double order of macaroni and cheese. 355 00:20:51,461 --> 00:20:54,328 - Ain't no more Salisbury steak. - We all out of Salisbury steak. 356 00:20:54,398 --> 00:20:57,731 - Luther, we out of Salisbury steak? - Ain't no more Salisbury steak! 357 00:20:57,801 --> 00:20:59,735 Forget the steak. 358 00:20:59,803 --> 00:21:01,930 Can I just have a Perrier, please? 359 00:21:02,005 --> 00:21:03,939 You want a pair of what? 360 00:21:04,007 --> 00:21:06,441 - No, a Perrier. It's bottled water. - It's French. 361 00:21:06,510 --> 00:21:08,842 Ooh, this wig itches! 362 00:21:08,912 --> 00:21:12,643 - Oh, Lord! - [Groaning] 363 00:21:12,716 --> 00:21:15,480 Feels like somethin' done crawled up under my head and died. 364 00:21:15,552 --> 00:21:19,113 This is disgusting. I'd really like to speak to the owner, please. 365 00:21:19,189 --> 00:21:22,056 - Baby, Mama got... - Aw! 366 00:21:22,125 --> 00:21:24,059 - [Mumbles] - May I please speak to the owner? 367 00:21:24,127 --> 00:21:26,061 Ooh, my hair fallin' out on me. 368 00:21:26,129 --> 00:21:28,427 - You wanna speak to the owner? - Yeah. 369 00:21:28,498 --> 00:21:30,591 Leon, lady over here wanna speak to you. 370 00:21:30,667 --> 00:21:33,534 I can make a booger talk! 371 00:21:46,550 --> 00:21:49,542 - All right. - [Audience Cheering] 372 00:21:53,056 --> 00:21:55,115 All right. Thank you. As usual, we hope you had fun. 373 00:21:55,192 --> 00:21:57,126 We had a good time doin' it for you. 374 00:21:57,194 --> 00:22:00,027 Startin' May 27 th, tell them where the party's gonna be. 375 00:22:00,097 --> 00:22:01,962 [All] Sunday! 376 00:22:02,032 --> 00:22:04,023 Peace! 377 00:22:56,052 --> 00:22:59,715 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 378 00:22:59,790 --> 00:23:01,724 ♪ In living color♪♪